Not Everyone's a Genius
by remonrime
Summary: A player leveling up in the FusionFall universe is troubled with her Boy Genius of a Guide and consults Double D about her problems.


"Damn Tiger Wolves."

With a last fiery shot from my gun slinger, the fusion beast roared its last cry and melted into the earth, its glistening jaws dripping with slimy goo and green fusion matter as it dissipated into the ground and evaporated entirely. I dropped my weapon to my side and spread out my arms as I cricked my neck and stretched out my shoulder muscles, preparing for the long trip back to Camp Kidney.

"I should really go see Blossom though, got an E-mail from Dexter again," I whispered to myself, brushing my white fringe to the side and sliding whatever remaining strands behind my ear. I looked behind me and bit at my lip, my eyes scanning fretfully over the dense forest filled with red fused arachnids and demonic looking Tiger Wolves. I was supposed to be searching for Big Ed, but Blossom's mission was looking rather tempting at the moment. Truthfully, I did not like Camp Kidney one bit, and I was anxiously waiting to get back to Peach Creek Commons to catch a ride from one of Mojo's Minions back to Sector V.

"Damnit, Dexter," I whispered to myself, shaking my head and stomping at the ground with my boots. My side ponytail shook along with my movements as I turned around and sprinted back to Camp Kidney, my boots crunching over fallen twigs and shifting through freshly sprinkled autumn leaves. An occasional bear and fox sidetracked me on my way back towards camp, but they were friendly creatures and were of no threat to me. However, those Fusion monsters were far more threatening than any other animal in this grizzly forest.

Along the way I took the time to raise my Fusion matter count and destroyed some Fusion monsters, also earning a delicious amount of C.R.A.T.E.S. filled with all sorts of little goodies that would surely fill up my items chart.

Finally, Camp Kidney reared its precious little head from behind a dense group of pine trees. I booked it right past May Kanker who was about to say something to me about her dearest Ed being missing, but I paid no heed to her cries of help and stealthily slipped passed her, thanks to my handy dandy Megas Nano. One of Mojo's purple minions was waiting impatiently alongside a freshly burnt-out bonfire, the monkey's massive cranium swishing from side to side. I never liked to warp with those unruly monkey minions; they always seemed to be too straight forward for me to handle.

'_Anything for Dexter though_,' I thought wryly to myself, rolling my eyes in frustration. '_Seriously, I don't even know why I thought to join his little army of 'heroes'—I don't even get to talk to the guy three-fourths of the time._'

"Need a lift?"

The baritone voice scared me out of my thoughts and wisped me back into the present (in this case, past). I furrowed my brow and turned to the intolerant monkey who was already staring at me headily and whisking its tail to and fro, eager to collect my Taro and warp me away to whatever location I would undoubtedly choose.

"Yes, of course," I replied politely, although I was mutely seething inside. I whipped out a total of 127 Taros and handed them over to the monkey minion. He swiftly swapped out his hand and practically yanked the Taro from my hand, placing it in his back pocket for safe keeping—I seriously didn't know what they did with that money.

"Alright, here we go," he exclaimed, lifting up into the air and placing his hands on my shoulders. As I ascended into the air, I couldn't help but roll my eyes in aggravation.

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

"Hello there."

I looked up from my journal and smiled back at the wistful Edd, a gigantic smile spread across his face, as per usual. Edd always seemed to be happy whenever I went to talk with him; he's in a happy mood even when he receives one of Marie Kanker's funky love letters. He was an amazing person, that Edd-- being able to stand there all day next to King Eddy and meet and greet countless other heroes and deliver their missions. Yes, he had it tough, for he too was also a Guide, but that didn't stop him from being uber polite and always down to earth.

"Hey Double D," I greeted him, snapping my journal shut and tucking it away inside one of my many back packs.

"Looking for a mission?" He asked me, tilting his head to the side. His sock hat flipped over his shoulder and hung there against the side of his neck; I suddenly had an urge to reach over and yank at it.

"A mission? I don't see an exclamation mark hanging over your head, so how can you have a--?"

"Sorry, it's out of habit," Edd apologized, heaving out a wonky sigh. "I get so used to saying it on account of repeating it all the time to other heroes, you know, for their missions too. Anyway, enough about my problems, has anything updated with you?"

"Hmph, there's always problems with me," I gritted out, averting my eyes away from Edd.

"Mishaps with Dexter I presume?" Edd inquired, standing on his tip toes. I nodded an affirmative response, lowering my eyes to the ground. My fingers clutched around the handle of my gun slinger, my skin gritting against its steel outer coating.

"I only met the guy like...what, about two times? What's up with that? The least he could do is gather us all up for a pep rally and update us with new information. I can't always rely on his E-mails."

Edd listened to me with that of the reassurance of my own personal mother, nodding his head along with my complaints and never protesting against them with his own opinions. He always seemed to do that, and that's why I always came to him whenever I needed to vent and get some hairy things off my chest.

"And you know what," I continued, pointing a finger at Edd. He looked at my pointed digit then perked his eyes back up to me, shaking his head negatively.

"What?" he asked.

"I don't see anyone else complaining," I finished, dropping my hand and scanning my eyes over the expanse of the Cul- de- Sac. I silently observed as other countless heroes were dropping in from the sky, rushing over to speak with Wilt, or heading over towards Father to activate another mission. I bet all of them never questioned why they were working for an isolated Boy Genius who only communicated with them through digital E-mail and random pop-ups.

"See, at least with you, the other heroes can actually walk up to you and speak with you, like have a normal conversation," I began again, rallying myself up for another rant. "I mean, I wouldn't really know since you're not my guide and all, but at least people have that advantage with you as their guide."

"Then why don't you Guide Change?" asked Edd, cocking his head to the side. "If direct contact is what you desire, then all you have to do is change your guide with the Guide Changer. It's as simple as that."

I looked up at him with half-lidded eyes, biting at my lip fretfully. "If it was as simple as that, I would have done it along time ago."

"Then why haven't you?"

A sudden popping sound broke me out of my reverie and jostled both of us, the serious atmosphere suddenly replaced with gross humor.

"Hurrrr!" Billy squeaked out, rubbing his bulbous nose against my face. I stared at him with mock shock, my mouth agape and my brow furrowed in humiliation. "Helloooo!"

Edd stared at my Billy Nano as if he were some feral beast; I could practically see him trying to edge himself away from me as he scuffled his neat and tidy shoes across the pavement.

"Billy! What have I told you about popping out at will?" I shouted, turning to my Billy Nano and pointing a rigid index finger at his direction. He merely stared back at me with a stupid grin on his face, his mirth too grand to listen to my heady lectures.

"I didn't know Nanos could summon themselves at will," Edd repeated while straightening his posture and smoothing out his "rumpled" shirt.

"They can't," I answered him. I looked over at Billy once again and motioned for him to come forth. He obediently responded and came flying towards me, once again rubbing his over-sized nose against my right cheek. I patted his nose awkardly, as I would do a dog's head and as usual, Billy immediately calmed down and poofed away, leaving behind a thick mist of snot.

"I think my Billy is defected," I explained to Edd, wiping my snot covered hand against my Blossom Armor. "I went to go defeat Fusion Billy, but I got a little distracted with my items chart, so I guess one of my group members defeated him for me. So I really didn't get my Billy Nano myself. I think it's some sort of glitch or something like that, I guess punishment for not acquiring him myself."

"Well, I think you should speak to Dexter about--."

"_Check your E-mail for an important update! Do not delay!_"

Why speak of the devil. I recognized that heavily accented voice anywhere.

A/N: I love FusionFall; sorry, I'm a dweeb for that game (especially for Dexter) D:


End file.
